Well, not loathing exactly, except for that directed at myself, but I do have some fear. Not the crippling type where I fear for my life, but the worrisome, niggling sort, with a touch of the "Darkman" scenario.
For one, and most tangible, I am wary of anesthesiologists, almost to the level of fear. I like to know when something begins and also when it ends, to understand the nature of an event. But these professionals don't function that way. They appear out of nowhere and disappear into vapor, after their job is done. Any explanation they give is muddied by the effects of the fog they induce. Once an IV line is installed, you are at the mercy of another.
Furthermore, I don't believe what patients are told about the type of anesthesia that purportedly has you awake and responsive, but unable to remember afterwards. If so, wouldn't this involve destruction of some of your brain cells? I would be interested in a study on the effects of that type of anesthesia and Alzheimer's or dementia.
The only effect I've ever been aware of when under some anesthetic or another is that it didn't occur to me to talk. I remember seeing the doctor when it didn't seem necessary or expected for me to say anything even though I had some unanswered questions in my mind. When, right after surgery, the nurse asked if I could move my toes, I responded in one word that I couldn't, not on either foot. Later I thought this might have been critical to recovery, or paralysis, but then, I was a monosyllabic cretin. Ah, well, I'll get to my worse fears tomorrow, or not.
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