The End

  Love may be  all there is.  The Beatles, the Bible, Thornton Wilder all thought so.  But so many times it just isn't enough.  I can tell from the love letters that are now in my possession that he loved her, but he was unable to undo what had gone before.  He couldn't bring himself ultimately to do what might have confirmed his love to her.  He continued to proclaim his undying love until......yes, until the time he died, some years ahead of her.    She kept the letters, though, until her death.  Forgotten perhaps, or could have been as a link to one who cared about her. Those links become thinner as time passes, and memories become more precious. 
    What to do with  those letters.  I've already thrown them away, then retrieved them.  I have no link to him except as a casual acquaintance, but through his words to her, I sense her presence.  He wanted to spend the last part of his life with her, to be near her.  It makes me picture her as warm and alive.......

Baby Steps

 For the first time in a long time, about 5 years or so, I had the choice of  the stairway or the elevator, and I opted for the stairs.   Sure, it was only one flight, and yes, I did use the handrail, and it was true there was no one else around to observe any awkward gait, but still I did walk down a flight of stairs in a public building even though the elevator was available.  Only those so afflicted can understand how it felt, sort of a "walker's high."

Date to Remember--or Not

September 26, 1964   The wedding  of Dorothy and Gus
  In the good old days when everybody was alive.  And death not much more than a myth..

Health Check

  Are you sure your Sphincter of Oddi isn't too tight?

Places you don't want to go to:

Number One on the list might be the Ampulla of Vater.  Steer clear.

Je ne comprends rien de la mein eye appt.

   I had three ophthalmology appointments in  two days.  I fully intend at each visit to get a status report so I can keep better tabs.  There are so many tests and retests and the patient can see the computer charts of all eye activity, with lines and graphs of various colors, extending to various angles, but they  mean nothing unless they are interpreted, and they never are.  Those readings are a carefully kept secret between the doctor and the assistant, and they keep it between them by whispering to each other, while the patient sits there, with nothing to do but stare at their shoes.  When they have finished conspiring with each other, the doctor turns his attention to the patient.  "No change," he might say, or "at least no significant change. We'll keep an eye on it.."   Come back in 9 months, says one doctor while the other says to return in 6 months.  I don't understand how they can compartmentalize the different maladies into time units for follow-up visits.  What if one eye condition spills over onto the other; blindness is blindness, after all. 
   A  visual field test is a purely subjective assessment that is treated as if it is objective.  The graphing and color lines support the findings.  There are even 2 different categories of that test, one more specialized than the other.  I have taken the test more than a few times in the past several years, and each time the test has been affected by various factors, including the tester and the conditions of the  machine, in addition to the mood and condition of the test taker.  Is that a spot that I'm supposed to click on, or merely the aura left after the original spot disappears?  Since there is a light showing at the top of the machine  that could be a clickable spot when you are supposed to be staring straight ahead; should you click on it, though it seems too high?  When the test taker tells you not to worry about missing something, because you'll have another chance the next time around, what does that mean?  When the tester forgot to close the slot over the light at the front of the machine, did I click on the wrong spots?  I never feel that I have made a definitive decision, though the computer readings scan all the results into my file.  Done and done. 
   On the Corneal Dystrophy site I belong to, the members all seem to know their numbers  of their BVA, and all their other testing results.  But I can never get further than the basic send-off.  I think by the time you're through with all the eyedrops, tests, dilations and drawn-out time spent  in the different waiting rooms, all you want to do is get out of there.
  "Who cares?  What difference does it make what the tests say as long as you are doing okay?"    No, these are not my comments, but the words of the last eye specialist I visited.  At the time, I agreed with him, because that was what was expected, but really?   I hope to tune in tomorrow's Medical Monday on NPR to see if he reinforces this credo.  The show accepts call-in questions; I hope someone asks, someone else, that is.
  

Symposium

Ever since I joined the Corneal Dystrophy Association, I receive an invitation to their annual Symposium, held  this year in Milwaukee.  Noted ophthalmologists from all over, the country and the world, as well as those afflicted, gather to share knowledge and  research of what is considered a rare disease.  The good news is that this disease has a cure and the process of  the cure is constantly improving, with less and less invasive procedures.  The bad news is that since the disease/ disorder is relatively rare that it is not a payoff for most doctors to invest time and finances into learning the skills necessary to treat it.  So those whose symptoms have accelerated into the need for treatment willingly travel to the comparatively few experts who have practices, notably in Indiana, Oregon,  Florida, Texas and Maryland.  I know of one area ophthalmologist who performs the surgery, and have heard of only one person I know who has had the surgery with him.  She was happy with her results, but the Association website has other members who regret having gone with him.  So if the Fickle Fuchs' ever intrudes significantly into my life, I'll be off to Baltimore for treatment.  Years ago, corneal dystrophy used to be a leading cause of blindness, but as is said, there is now a cure.   For a person  diagnosed, each of that person's children has a 50% chance of inheriting the disease.  Though the disease typically does not show up intil later in life, that is not always the case.  Upstate NY and even the Boston area are notably lagging in knowledge and treatment of the condition, primarily because their practices are devoted to more common and profitable treatments, like laser treatments, which, btw, are very important to avoid if a person has corneal dystrophy.  (But who ever listens to an old person?)